Snippets of a Suffocating Heart

/*Because "broken" is reparable. Suffocation can only be relieved when the cause has been actually uplifted. A broken object can still be fixed, even if the cause is still physically present.*/

Forgive my seemingly pointless thoughts. I really have to let them out. I'll be as vague as I can to protect others's privacy.

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Is it so bad to belong? I always said I prefer to be the lone wolf but heck, I never said I wanted to be a hermit.

Is it so bad to want? I'm only human, no matter how cold and aloof and heartless I project myself to be. I grew up in a society. It's only normal for me to want a sense of home in my newest phase in life.

Is it so bad to be happy? Every time something good happens to me (they're rare, FYI), something will happen to neutralize the euphoria. I know there's a rule for Equal and Opposite Reactions but must the opposite really be devastating?

Every time I try, they cut me off with vindictiveness.

Every time I made an effort, it blows up in my face.

Every time I reach out, someone or something bites back.

Why?

Damnnit, tell me why.

It's all funny (yes, I'm laughing my ass off) how Life gets back at you: completely off the records. You do one thing and see how things a mile radius around you gets affected.

Wow.

Is that the so-called Cosmos Chain Reaction?

I'm being bitter, yes.

I'm always bitter.

Because life is so unfair. Screw Jareth for coining the phrase "basis for comparison".

*My* life is so unfair. I can almost feel the people up there laughing.

Probably because I'm intentionally staying true to my newest label.

"Bitchy drama queen-wannabe."

That's right. I'm being true to it. Mostly because I'm being damn aloof.

I know that all of you know that I know this is just another teenage hormone-driven thing. And I think I'm right. It is just another teenage hormone-driven thing. I'll probably laugh as much as you guys did by the time I'm 20 years old and this post's still existing. That's life: you do crazy things for every phase of your life. Let's just hope I don't get pregnant outside of marriage. That would suck big time.

You want to know what pushed the button? (I'm being thoroughly selfish, I know. I'm pretending to be considered when I actually am leaving you no choice in the matter.)

Someone deleted me from Plurk. Someone special.

/*And he's not Xander because obviously, DUH peeps don't like to tell the world that they're in fact closely connected with one another. So drop it.*/

And I can't reach out to him. Partly because he cut off connections with me and it's quite foolish to reach out to him via the internet where practically ANYBODY can see it.

Damn...here comes another day you dread seeing. I hate it. I bet I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

It's creeping me out, in a way, how thoroughly affected I am. Proof is how lengthy and frequent my posts have become. That's one thing I pride myself as a writer. I use words to somewhat ease whatever's bothering me.

Still, words will never be enough.

Hmm, strange. Used effectively, words ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH to get the message across, then hurt some.

Yep, words hurt big time.

/*Signing out.*/